Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
