If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you had me at cake vodka
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
