Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
