Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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