o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
