I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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