Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
sex in a hospital.. check
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
