the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
