dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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