'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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