We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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