Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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