Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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