Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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