Tell her she can't have a vagina
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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