Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
