I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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