Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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