Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
