she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
