ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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