shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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