Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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