um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
