Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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