Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
