You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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