My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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