Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
