Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
