He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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