There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
