Apparently you make a good broom.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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