And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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