I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
