nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
