Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
