You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
