Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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