just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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