I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
