I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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