Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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