all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
