it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
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So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize