Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
