everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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