Just cropdusted the office
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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