how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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