I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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