I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
