I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
