K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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