life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
