i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
