if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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