last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
