So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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