how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
