Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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