Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do vagina's smell?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
