oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
