Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
