I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
