he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My vagina just clenched in fear
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
